How to drop a work grudge

How to drop a work grudge

When work disappointments become work grudges, you get caught in an unproductive – and unhealthy – trap. Here are 5 ways to take control and move on

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March 11, 2019

4. Consider whether to approach your coworker

Office politics, the person’s receptiveness, and their personality are all factors here.

More often than not, the person at the root of your grudge doesn’t know they’ve hurt you. Sometimes, if confronted, they’ll give you those words you need to hear to move on. Determine whether anything can be mindfully said to this person for them to give you what you need, Colier suggests. Office politics, the person’s receptiveness, and their personality are all factors to consider.

If you choose to approach this person, don’t make accusations. Acknowledge what happened, what it made you feel, and ask for a behavior change.

“You might say, ‘Hey, John. When you talk over me at the board meetings it’s really difficult for me to feel heard. I’m wondering if you’d be willing to let me finish my sentence when I’m speaking,’” Colier says.

[ Read also: How to control your emotions during a difficult conversation. ]

5. Acknowledge that you’re self-harming

The grudge that you’re holding exists in one place only: your mind. Ruminating, rehashing, and reminding yourself that you’ve been harmed over and over is an act of self-harm, Colier says. When you find yourself slipping back into the grudge, quietly tell yourself to stop.

“Saying this aloud has tremendous power and can quickly prevent you from spiraling,” she says. “The awareness that it’s happening is a key component of breaking addiction – and grudges are a form of addiction. People need to take responsibility for their own healing and ownership that the person is not responsible for our happiness – we are.”

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